i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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