At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
