You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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