weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
