Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
