What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
