I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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