question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
