He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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