True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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