just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
