Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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