this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
