trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
