Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
