i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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