I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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