yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
