I looked at my own cervix.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
