He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
