Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then my night got REAL pukey
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
