forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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