Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
