Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize