In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
