I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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