listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
