Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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