Dual....:-)
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
