I'm so fucking centered right now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
