i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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