I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
