New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
