Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
