i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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