I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
