So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
