so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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