If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
