1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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