i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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