The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
