Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm getting married
To pizza
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
