If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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