just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
