she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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