So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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