I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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