for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
