he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
