I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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