sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
