You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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