u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
