I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
