k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
