U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
