i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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