Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He felt like a one man threesome
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
