Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
