Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
