Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
