I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
