ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
