Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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