She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
