I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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