I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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