It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
