Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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