He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
