i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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