I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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