she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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