My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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