mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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