can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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