What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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