dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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