whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
