is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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