which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
