im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
