Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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